December 2009—It’s that time of year when the ubiquitous Christmas Newsletter makes its welcome, and sometimes not-so-welcome, appearance in mailboxes and inboxes. Face it, some of us just don’t have that much interesting to say from year to year, or at least nothing that’s interesting to anyone but ourselves and our mothers. But now I find myself at the end of a decade, and realize that maybe, if I comb ten years’ accumulated living, I can find something worth sharing.
So much has happened since December 1999 that I hardly know where to begin. I distinctly remember where I was then—where I worked, what car I drove, where I lived; and I can easily recount those same details today, though almost every answer has changed in a way that would have been incomprehensible to me at that time. But the really big question is not where I am now, but rather: How did I make it from being an accountant whose baby was in kindergarten, with a new puppy, and driving carpool in a minivan to writing this letter as a graying grad student with one kid (sort of) out of the house, one really old dog, and still no red convertible? About the only thing that’s the same as in ’99 is Ted. Well, he’s mostly the same, just a little grayer like me, and thank goodness he’s still here. We were married in 1989, so I guess that means 2010 will start our third decade together. That alone is pretty amazing to think about.
So what has happened during the last ten years? It’s tough, but all I can do is try to list ten of the most memorable happenings—events that have had a lasting impact on our family life. They’re listed chronologically, and because I’m getting old, the dates are mostly approximate. The list is purely subjective and purely my own—if you asked anyone else around my house, I’m sure they would tell a completely different story.
1. Summer 1999 - Patch. Though technically outside the time parameters of this list, not much has made a bigger difference in our family’s life than adopting this neurotic dog, so I must include him. Alternately lovable and maddening, he has made us laugh, cry, and argue with each other and our neighbors. At 10+, he’s finally mellowed a bit and is definitely passing through the twilight of his life. I know he won’t be around for the next decade’s newsletter, and though I hate to say it, I know I’m going to miss him when he’s gone.
2. Jan 2000 - My only (paying) job this century—AIA Dallas. Too many stories to include here, but AIA colored nearly everything we did for over nine years. Along the way, I took a turn at almost every task in the office, and Ted volunteered for just about every leadership position available. The kids even helped in the office and at events. For better and worse, AIA was always there.
3. Aug 2003 - Both Alex and Sophie changed campuses to participate in RISD’s Magnet Program. This was possibly the change that has had the biggest effect on us all. Both kids blossomed in their new schools and discovered friends and interests that I am sure will be beneficial to them for the rest of their lives. Sophie began to actively develop the artistic and creative skills that make her the unique and talented person she is today, and Alex found a meaningful outlet for his interest in all things scientific, mathematical, and mechanical.
4. Sept 2003 - Ted and his friend Paul left their old firm to become entrepreneurs. In business for only 10 (count ‘em, 10!) days, they sent the computers back to Dell and both went to work for Gensler Dallas. In hindsight, it was probably the best thing for all concerned, considering health insurance and all, but I sure didn’t see it that way at the time…. In the words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
5. Spring 2004 - With the kids in new schools and Ted’s new job, we packed up and moved north of I-635. After nine years in Lake Highlands it was a big step, and we even changed churches. Many of our friends were not happy, and some have never forgiven us. The neighbors mentioned in Item 1 of this list were not, however, sorry to see us, and Patch, go.
6. Fall 2004 - Attended the dinner party that changed my life, where I chatted with a woman who suggested I might enjoy a non-credit literature class at SMU. She said there was no homework, and the cost was reasonable. That is SMU’s plan: draw you in with an easy, inexpensive class, offer to let you audit a real class at a big discount, and then reel you in like a fish. In 2006 I signed on for the Master of Liberal Arts degree, which, at one class per semester would take about six years to complete and then likely wouldn’t even qualify me for a new job. Insane, I know. But I told Ted that this counted as my official midlife crisis and was definitely cheaper than a Corvette. To his credit, he went along with my madness, and he and the kids have been my unfailing cheerleaders through countless classes, papers, and projects. Graduation is on the horizon in May 2010.
7. Spring 2007 - Sensing, we now know correctly, that the North Dallas housing market was just about to boil over, we listed and sold the Glenhurst Drive house in 12 days, and then had to find a place to move. Not surprisingly, chaos ensued. Family harmony cost, among other things, one new flat-screen TV for Ted and laptops for each of the kids, but the natives were at last temporarily calmed. Not quite three years later, Ted and I are already thinking about the next (empty-nester) house. What is wrong with us?
8. June 2008 - Oh my God, what a month. On June 3, my dad had emergency quintuple bypass surgery. Very serious, but he survived, and is thankfully doing well now. On June 11, my nephew Lonnie, aged 17 and born the same day as Alex, died unexpectedly. And on June 18, our dear friend Gerri lost her battle with cancer. May we, and all our family and friends, never have another month like that one.
9. Spring 2009 - Alex achieved the perfect “trifecta” and made his old Mom and Dad the proudest we’ve ever been, which is saying a great deal indeed! With Alex as co-captain and driver, his robotics team won a (repeat) national title at the Battlebots competition--it was like he was the star quarterback at the Super Bowl as far as we were concerned; he graduated in the Top 10 of his high school class and got a full scholarship to go with it; and…he stood on stage, alone, in front of hundreds of people and performed a beautiful solo during his final school choir concert. All fantastic accomplishments, but the solo was the one that made me cry the most. I’ll never forget it.
10. Summer 2009 - Freshly unemployed (by choice), I enrolled in a writing class as part of my SMU program. Going in, I wondered if I even had a story to tell, but the experience has been like stepping through a door and into a world I never even knew existed. Since then I’ve started a blog, gotten published in the Dallas Morning News, and even begun a novel. Now if I could just get someone to pay me to write…
So there you have it—ten big things that have shaped the lives of the Kollaja family over the past decade. There were obviously many more, but I had to choose from what I can still remember. Really, I know that not many people care how smart and talented and good-looking my kids are except me and Ted (and maybe their grandparents) or where we went on our family vacations. Those things are interesting, and fun (or maybe not so fun), and they have a time and a place to be shared. But looking back, those aren’t the really important things. It’s the decisions we make and the way we live day-in-and-day-out, that tell who we really are. I’m thinking about what I want the list I’ll make in December 2019 to look like, and I hope it’s as satisfying to me as this one. I am sure there will be new things to report that I can’t even imagine today. Who knows, I might be a famous author or have a Ph.D. by then, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll have that red convertible too.
Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy 2010 and beyond!
